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Daltonb1219
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- Jul 16, 2009
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Back when I was a kid, in the early 90s, my friends and I had a fantasy baseball league. I had the honor of being commissioner, which in those days meant a lot of work. We had a computer, but the Internet was still in its infancy. Each day I grabbed our daily newspaper and scoured the box scores of individual games, searching for everyone's' players and entering that information into a spreadsheet.
Why I found this fun was probably because I was an idiot. No wonder my friends were the only people I knew who played fantasy sports back then.
With the advent of the Internet, however, has come an explosion in fantasy sports, especially fantasy football. With all the stats being beamed direct from the moon to the web-based fantasy sports league provider of your choice, the only reason today's fantasy commissioner would pick up a newspaper is to figure out what specials the local sports bar is having. (And if that's the case, you should tell your local sports bar to get a freakin' website. It's 2009, for god's sakes.)
After Favre assault of his former team last night, Week 4 of the football season is official in the books. If you love fantasy, most of your Internet time the past month has probably consisted of you staring at your team trying to figure out what's gone right and what's gone wrong. You're about a third of the way through your season: Time to sit down and seriously evaluate where your team stands.
If you're 4 – 0, don't worry, there's always time to screw things up. But, if you are 0 – 4, time for a reality check. You might still have some fight left in you, but if you see any of the 14 indicators below, I'd say your chances of a fantasy football redemption are pretty slim.
After the jump, find 14 ways to tell if your fantasy football season is already doomed…
1. Plaxico Burress is still on your roster. Everyone makes drafting mistakes. For instance, I picked up Marshawn Lynch before realizing he had to serve a three game suspension. However, if you haven't figured out that one of your receivers is going to be spending the next two years in jail, you're in trouble.
2. You still don't understand your league's point system. Computers handle all the tough math nowadays, but still, much like you're responsible for your tax forms even if you hire an accountant, not being able to predict your players points from their box score can signal a problem.
3. Your opponent missed the first bye week and you still lost! Maybe they were out of the country, or in the hospital. Or maybe they were just being a dick and knew how bad your team sucked. But if you see a giant goose egg on your opponents team because they forgot to put in a bye week replacement this past week and you still managed to lose your match, consider your season in big-time trouble.
4. You've been watching games on TV. Watching games on TV is for the weak. If you really care about your fantasy team, you're spending more time hovering over your laptop, watching out for when your players' teams are in the red zone. Sure, watching games helps and can be fun, but league champions will tell you that watching those numbers flash up as your players score is far more rewarding.
5. You have a lot of "great" players. Your team is loaded up with big names like Isaac Bruce, Joe Horn and Marvin Harrison. How could you lose?! Um, maybe because you don't get points for Hall of Fame votes. You need players who are scoring points now, not in 2003. If you haven't figured out that the new Steve Smith is better than the old Steve Smith, you need to get with the times.
6. You're rooting for injuries. It's never a good idea to wish for other peoples' misfortunes. If your plan for last night's game was to wish for a helicopter to crash into the Vikings bench putting an end to both Brett Favre and Adrian Peterson, you really need to sort out your fantasy football strategy.
7. You've spent the past 4 Mondays with your significant other. Maybe you're so far ahead each week the Monday night game doesn't matter. Or maybe you've had all your match-ups wrap up by the end of the day Sunday. But most likely, if you haven't been glued to your seat watching ESPN during any of the past four Mondays, that means you haven't been in any close games, and your team is probably pretty bad. Say hello to your wife for me!
8. No one is talking trash to you. Trash talk is one of the cornerstones of fantasy football. You bring your friends together so you have a specific reason each week to tell them how much they suck. But you know you are truly terrible when no one even feels it's worth their time to tell you how horrible you actually are.
9. Your best player is on your favorite team. You know that guy you drafted only because you thought it would be "fun to root for someone on your home team." If he's your best player now, you might be in a bit of trouble. Hopefully you live in the greater Twin Cities region.
10. Other teams have approached you for collusion. In fantasy football, collusion is the last gasp of the dying teams: Agreeing to trade players in unethical ways for a split of the pot or god-knows-what. If another team's owner has approached you with such a proposition, you know they think you have nothing to lose. It's not a good sign. If more than one owner has approached you, you better start colluding!
11. You've made zero moves. Oh! I see! You are a drafting genius! You're 4-0 and been the top point scorer in your league every week. Oh, what? That hasn't happened? And you've done nothing to fix it? Yeah, you're screwed.
12. Your bench has outscored your starters every week. Fantasy football isn't roulette. There are usually solid indicators as to what your best bets are. If you can't figure out how to get your talent onto the field, maybe it's time you invested your mental energy elsewhere: Like how to get enough cash into your bank account so the entry fee check you wrote to your commissioner won't bounce.
13. You just realized your #1 pick was Adrian Peterson… from the Bears! Week 4 just passed. If you're wondering why Adrian Peterson is in such a slump, it's probably because you're an idiot.
14. Your team has more than one kicker. If you're so worried that someone's going to scoop up Steven Hauschka when you release him that he's taking up a bench spot while you start John Carney, your fantasy football season is doomed. In fact, you may want to give up fantasy football all together.
15. (TWO POINT CONVERSION!) You're locked out of your league homepage. Can't sign in? Forgot your password? Like a tacit god, unable to intervene with his own creation, you have no choice but to watch as your team tumbles through tragedy. Bye weeks are missed. Injured players remain active. But so is life. It's kind of zen in a way. All things must pass. Enjoy the ride.
Any of the above hit close to home? It's pretty rough, huh?
But here's the good news: Instead of worrying about how you're gonna hunt down the Thursday night game on that ridiculous NFL Network, your Thursday evenings will be free to watch Tosh.0! Comedy always offsets tragedy. Or so your theater degree taught you. (If you have a theater degree, your fantasy football season may also be doomed.)
:lol: too funny! thank you tosh.o
Why I found this fun was probably because I was an idiot. No wonder my friends were the only people I knew who played fantasy sports back then.
With the advent of the Internet, however, has come an explosion in fantasy sports, especially fantasy football. With all the stats being beamed direct from the moon to the web-based fantasy sports league provider of your choice, the only reason today's fantasy commissioner would pick up a newspaper is to figure out what specials the local sports bar is having. (And if that's the case, you should tell your local sports bar to get a freakin' website. It's 2009, for god's sakes.)
After Favre assault of his former team last night, Week 4 of the football season is official in the books. If you love fantasy, most of your Internet time the past month has probably consisted of you staring at your team trying to figure out what's gone right and what's gone wrong. You're about a third of the way through your season: Time to sit down and seriously evaluate where your team stands.
If you're 4 – 0, don't worry, there's always time to screw things up. But, if you are 0 – 4, time for a reality check. You might still have some fight left in you, but if you see any of the 14 indicators below, I'd say your chances of a fantasy football redemption are pretty slim.
After the jump, find 14 ways to tell if your fantasy football season is already doomed…
1. Plaxico Burress is still on your roster. Everyone makes drafting mistakes. For instance, I picked up Marshawn Lynch before realizing he had to serve a three game suspension. However, if you haven't figured out that one of your receivers is going to be spending the next two years in jail, you're in trouble.
2. You still don't understand your league's point system. Computers handle all the tough math nowadays, but still, much like you're responsible for your tax forms even if you hire an accountant, not being able to predict your players points from their box score can signal a problem.
3. Your opponent missed the first bye week and you still lost! Maybe they were out of the country, or in the hospital. Or maybe they were just being a dick and knew how bad your team sucked. But if you see a giant goose egg on your opponents team because they forgot to put in a bye week replacement this past week and you still managed to lose your match, consider your season in big-time trouble.
4. You've been watching games on TV. Watching games on TV is for the weak. If you really care about your fantasy team, you're spending more time hovering over your laptop, watching out for when your players' teams are in the red zone. Sure, watching games helps and can be fun, but league champions will tell you that watching those numbers flash up as your players score is far more rewarding.
5. You have a lot of "great" players. Your team is loaded up with big names like Isaac Bruce, Joe Horn and Marvin Harrison. How could you lose?! Um, maybe because you don't get points for Hall of Fame votes. You need players who are scoring points now, not in 2003. If you haven't figured out that the new Steve Smith is better than the old Steve Smith, you need to get with the times.
6. You're rooting for injuries. It's never a good idea to wish for other peoples' misfortunes. If your plan for last night's game was to wish for a helicopter to crash into the Vikings bench putting an end to both Brett Favre and Adrian Peterson, you really need to sort out your fantasy football strategy.
7. You've spent the past 4 Mondays with your significant other. Maybe you're so far ahead each week the Monday night game doesn't matter. Or maybe you've had all your match-ups wrap up by the end of the day Sunday. But most likely, if you haven't been glued to your seat watching ESPN during any of the past four Mondays, that means you haven't been in any close games, and your team is probably pretty bad. Say hello to your wife for me!
8. No one is talking trash to you. Trash talk is one of the cornerstones of fantasy football. You bring your friends together so you have a specific reason each week to tell them how much they suck. But you know you are truly terrible when no one even feels it's worth their time to tell you how horrible you actually are.
9. Your best player is on your favorite team. You know that guy you drafted only because you thought it would be "fun to root for someone on your home team." If he's your best player now, you might be in a bit of trouble. Hopefully you live in the greater Twin Cities region.
10. Other teams have approached you for collusion. In fantasy football, collusion is the last gasp of the dying teams: Agreeing to trade players in unethical ways for a split of the pot or god-knows-what. If another team's owner has approached you with such a proposition, you know they think you have nothing to lose. It's not a good sign. If more than one owner has approached you, you better start colluding!
11. You've made zero moves. Oh! I see! You are a drafting genius! You're 4-0 and been the top point scorer in your league every week. Oh, what? That hasn't happened? And you've done nothing to fix it? Yeah, you're screwed.
12. Your bench has outscored your starters every week. Fantasy football isn't roulette. There are usually solid indicators as to what your best bets are. If you can't figure out how to get your talent onto the field, maybe it's time you invested your mental energy elsewhere: Like how to get enough cash into your bank account so the entry fee check you wrote to your commissioner won't bounce.
13. You just realized your #1 pick was Adrian Peterson… from the Bears! Week 4 just passed. If you're wondering why Adrian Peterson is in such a slump, it's probably because you're an idiot.
14. Your team has more than one kicker. If you're so worried that someone's going to scoop up Steven Hauschka when you release him that he's taking up a bench spot while you start John Carney, your fantasy football season is doomed. In fact, you may want to give up fantasy football all together.
15. (TWO POINT CONVERSION!) You're locked out of your league homepage. Can't sign in? Forgot your password? Like a tacit god, unable to intervene with his own creation, you have no choice but to watch as your team tumbles through tragedy. Bye weeks are missed. Injured players remain active. But so is life. It's kind of zen in a way. All things must pass. Enjoy the ride.
Any of the above hit close to home? It's pretty rough, huh?
But here's the good news: Instead of worrying about how you're gonna hunt down the Thursday night game on that ridiculous NFL Network, your Thursday evenings will be free to watch Tosh.0! Comedy always offsets tragedy. Or so your theater degree taught you. (If you have a theater degree, your fantasy football season may also be doomed.)
:lol: too funny! thank you tosh.o
