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I am sure this is just some reworded Chuck Norris lines, but a few of them were entertaining. I have never really payed too much attention to any of that stuff, so most of these are new to me.
1. Brock Lesnar once walked down the street with a massive ********. There were no survivors.
2. Every time Brock Lesnar flexed his muscles, any woman within a one mile radius becomes pregnant with triplets
3. When Brock Lesnar drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
4. When Brock Lesnar was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Brock Lesnar!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
5. When Brock Lesnar goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Brock Lesnar could use to kill you, including the room itself.
7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Brock Lesnar and forgot to pay him back.
8. Brock Lesnar can count backwards from infinity.
9. Crop circles are Brock's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down.
10. When Brock Lesnar jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Brock instead. Brock Lesnar is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
11. Brock Lesnar can divide by zero.
12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Brock Lesnar, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
13. Brock Lesnar is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh*t.
14. Brock Lesnar has two speeds: walk and kill.
15. Brock Lesnar is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
16. Brock Lesnar can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
17. You are what you eat. That is why Brock Lesnar diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
18. Brock Lesnar once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
19. Brock Lesnar played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
20. If you were to lock Brock Lesnar in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Brock replied "Because Grammy's are for qu**rs." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
21. On his birthday, Brock Lesnar randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
22. Brock Lesnar doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his junk in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while banging another.
23. When Brock Lesnar does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
24. Whenever Brock Lesnar puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
25. Brock Lesnar invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
26. Brock Lesnar coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
27. Brock Lesnar haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Brock Lesnar punched himself in the face.
1. Brock Lesnar once walked down the street with a massive ********. There were no survivors.
2. Every time Brock Lesnar flexed his muscles, any woman within a one mile radius becomes pregnant with triplets
3. When Brock Lesnar drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
4. When Brock Lesnar was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Brock Lesnar!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
5. When Brock Lesnar goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Brock Lesnar could use to kill you, including the room itself.
7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Brock Lesnar and forgot to pay him back.
8. Brock Lesnar can count backwards from infinity.
9. Crop circles are Brock's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down.
10. When Brock Lesnar jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Brock instead. Brock Lesnar is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
11. Brock Lesnar can divide by zero.
12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Brock Lesnar, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
13. Brock Lesnar is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh*t.
14. Brock Lesnar has two speeds: walk and kill.
15. Brock Lesnar is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
16. Brock Lesnar can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
17. You are what you eat. That is why Brock Lesnar diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
18. Brock Lesnar once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
19. Brock Lesnar played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
20. If you were to lock Brock Lesnar in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Brock replied "Because Grammy's are for qu**rs." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
21. On his birthday, Brock Lesnar randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
22. Brock Lesnar doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his junk in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while banging another.
23. When Brock Lesnar does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
24. Whenever Brock Lesnar puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
25. Brock Lesnar invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
26. Brock Lesnar coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
27. Brock Lesnar haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Brock Lesnar punched himself in the face.
) It will be interesting to see what game plan his team comes up with for Nog. His best bet would be to keep it standing I would think. No one wants any part of Nog's guard.
