I'm Done

[zookerman182]

My wife knows I have a problem with cards

But her problems are worse so she doesn't say anything

About the settling down part. That just depends on what type of person she is. I think this is something that should be forgotten by here within a week or so and then dropped all together. If she leaves this hanging over your head and keeps giving you low blows by bringing it up when its clear you know what you did was bad and you are trying to fix it, then i think she may be going too far. In my opinion.

Goodluck man

I was going to say this same thing, but couldnt word it correctly without coming off as a dick.

I agree with what was said above.

If she cant move past it and let it go, it may be time to let go

So you guys think that he should go ahead with a divorce over trading cards!? What's wrong with you guys ::facepalm::

There are some things more important than this hobby and marriage in my mind is one of them.

Dude is doing the right thing by getting out of the hobby for awhile, getting out of debt, and trying to fix his marriage.

I never said that and i dont think he should divorce at all. I think he has a right to question her motives at this point, if she cant let something like this go after a reasonable amount of time. And even then they should still do everything possible to stay together. I HATE divorce. HATE it.

 

[RL24]

Women dont like men to have hobbies. Ones that involve money are the worst. The only hobby they want you to have is taking care of them. Pay off your debt and work it out. Never pay for cards with credit. Do things smart but dont give up your hobby. If she wont let you keep collecting divorce her

unless she is really hot.

 

[muchuckwagon]

I think he has a right to question her motives at this point, if she cant let something like this go after a reasonable amount of time.

Her motives? He ran up debt for sports cards....I would question the OP's motives, priorities and sanity. If my wife (or soon to be wife) did something like that I would hold it over her head for years to ensure she never did anything that stupid again.

While that sounds harsh...you have to look out for your family. Perhaps hanging it over his head is the only way she can ensure something like this doesn't happen again. It all depends on the OP and his personality. Perhaps he is someone that needs to be watched 24x7 because he doesn't have the will power to do the right thing on his own without a constant reminder of his past failings.

 

[HPC]

My wife knows I have a problem with cards

But her problems are worse so she doesn't say anything

About the settling down part. That just depends on what type of person she is. I think this is something that should be forgotten by here within a week or so and then dropped all together. If she leaves this hanging over your head and keeps giving you low blows by bringing it up when its clear you know what you did was bad and you are trying to fix it, then i think she may be going too far. In my opinion.

Goodluck man

I was going to say this same thing, but couldnt word it correctly without coming off as a dick.

I agree with what was said above.

If she cant move past it and let it go, it may be time to let go

So you guys think that he should go ahead with a divorce over trading cards!? What's wrong with you guys ::facepalm::

There are some things more important than this hobby and marriage in my mind is one of them.

Dude is doing the right thing by getting out of the hobby for awhile, getting out of debt, and trying to fix his marriage.

I never said that and i dont think he should divorce at all. I think he has a right to question her motives at this point, if she cant let something like this go after a reasonable amount of time. And even then they should still do everything possible to stay together. I HATE divorce. HATE it.

I never said either about a divorce, I am saying he is human and will make mistakes, and as his wife, she should give him a chance to make it up, and if she keeps bringing it up and wont let him live it down, then it might be time to think about who she really is as a person.

Marriages are give and take.

He made mistakes by spending too much, and I get that she is upset and frustrated, but, she is his wife, and promised to love him until death to them part. If she doesnt remember that, maybe he needs to rethink their relationship, as he is clearly trying to make up for it by stopping and selling off the cards, as well as getting out of debt.

Everyone has a right to enjoy what they want. He enjoyed cards. He made a mistake and is working to fix it.

 

[mchenrycards]

My wife knows I have a problem with cards

But her problems are worse so she doesn't say anything

About the settling down part. That just depends on what type of person she is. I think this is something that should be forgotten by here within a week or so and then dropped all together. If she leaves this hanging over your head and keeps giving you low blows by bringing it up when its clear you know what you did was bad and you are trying to fix it, then i think she may be going too far. In my opinion.

Goodluck man

I was going to say this same thing, but couldnt word it correctly without coming off as a dick.

I agree with what was said above.

If she cant move past it and let it go, it may be time to let go

So you guys think that he should go ahead with a divorce over trading cards!? What's wrong with you guys ::facepalm::

There are some things more important than this hobby and marriage in my mind is one of them.

Dude is doing the right thing by getting out of the hobby for awhile, getting out of debt, and trying to fix his marriage.

I never said that and i dont think he should divorce at all. I think he has a right to question her motives at this point, if she cant let something like this go after a reasonable amount of time. And even then they should still do everything possible to stay together. I HATE divorce. HATE it.

Let it go after a reasonable amount of time???

Now I can understand your reasoning if we are talking about 20 bucks a week spent on cards but I dont think that is the amount we are speaking about. It certainly sounds like a MUCH larger amount was spent and I can guarantee you that if you spouse spent a HUGE amount of money on (fill in the blank here) you would have a fit just like she is. He said he was adicted so that should tell you something. addicts dont normal stick to a budget or let reasoning rule their actions. And if he is addicted then his wife has every right not be upset because his actions could lead to financial ruin for the both of them.

 

[George K]

The only part that confuses me is that wife didn't notice her husband had an addiction problem. Did she have no concept what these cards cost?

 

[muchuckwagon]

And if he is addicted then his wife has every right not be upset because his actions could lead to financial ruin for the both of them.

It is clear from your posts that you are looking at this from a more mature or adult point-of-view compared to some of the other responses which are clearly not from "older" members.

Once you have been around the block a few times, you realize the gravity of the OP's actions and the impact they can have on a family and that family's future.

 

[muchuckwagon]

The only part that confuses me is that wife didn't notice her husband had an addiction problem. Did she have no concept what these cards cost?

I don't know...the wifey could walk in with a new purse on any give day, she could have paid $25 from Target or $500 from some designer for all I know. I'm a dude...a purse is a purse. To most women, I'm guessing a card is a card.

 

[HPC]

And if he is addicted then his wife has every right not be upset because his actions could lead to financial ruin for the both of them.

It is clear from your posts that you are looking at this from a more mature or adult point-of-view compared to some of the other responses which are clearly not from "older" members.

Once you have been around the block a few times, you realize the gravity of the OP's actions and the impact they can have on a family and that family's future.

I agree with what you are saying completely, however, he said in 2 months the debt will be paid off.

I understand worse things could have happened, but right now, it is almost over with.

She should be mad, no doubt, and has a right to be.

 

[mudflap02]

Women dont like men to have hobbies. Ones that involve money are the worst. The only hobby they want you to have is taking care of them. Pay off your debt and work it out. Never pay for cards with credit. Do things smart but dont give up your hobby. If she wont let you keep collecting divorce her unless she is really hot.

I think it matters less if shes hot

Its more important that's she is uninhibited

Post of the year right there.

 

[muchuckwagon]

he said in 2 months the debt will be paid off....but right now, it is almost over with.

Maybe....maybe not. What if his card sales don't net the money to pay down the debt as planned. What if he finds himself unemployed next week?

I'm guessing he lied or covered up what he did to this point so until the debt is paid, his arse is on the line.

Plus, if he brought his family to the brink of financial disaster....no matter how quickly it can be resolved it is not something that is simply swept under the rug. It is a pattern of behavior that needs addressed.

 

[muchuckwagon]

Women dont like men to have hobbies. Ones that involve money are the worst. The only hobby they want you to have is taking care of them. Pay off your debt and work it out. Never pay for cards with credit. Do things smart but dont give up your hobby. If she wont let you keep collecting divorce her unless she is really hot.

I think it matters less if shes hot

Its more important that's she is uninhibited

Post of the year right there.

Bonus points for pulling off the "dog in a bath tub" or "Alabama hot pocket".

 

[zookerman182]

As bad as he may be addicted or whatever, the wife needs to understand that it wont make things better by dragging this out. I understand being upset for a while is ok and its expected. But she should be able to put this behind them after a while. I would think

 

[mchenrycards]

As bad as he may be addicted or whatever, the wife needs to understand that it wont make things better by dragging this out. I understand being upset for a while is ok and its expected. But she should be able to put this behind them after a while. I would think

So lets just say that as a 17 year old you went out and got drunk and totaled the family car that your dad borrowed you for the night. NOT SAYING THIS HAPPENED BUT PURELY HYPOTHETICAL!!

Using your logic, your parents would have to just let it go and back off because it was a one time thing and hopefully you would never drink and drive again! Is that how it should go?? I would assume probably not!

Trust is everything in a marriage. It does not matter if its financial trust or sexual trust. Once trust is lost it will take a long time to gain it back from the other person in the relationship. Its up to the OP to gain that trust back and show his spouse that the addiction is under control...not for the spouse to back off and hope that he has his act together. Trust is a two way street but when one person in the relationship drives the wrong way on that street its up to that person to turn around and get going in the right way.

 

[zookerman182]

As bad as he may be addicted or whatever, the wife needs to understand that it wont make things better by dragging this out. I understand being upset for a while is ok and its expected. But she should be able to put this behind them after a while. I would think

So lets just say that as a 17 year old you went out and got drunk and totaled the family car that your dad borrowed you for the night. NOT SAYING THIS HAPPENED BUT PURELY HYPOTHETICAL!!

Using your logic, your parents would have to just let it go and back off because it was a one time thing and hopefully you would never drink and drive again! Is that how it should go?? I would assume probably not!

Trust is everything in a marriage. It does not matter if its financial trust or sexual trust. Once trust is lost it will take a long time to gain it back from the other person in the relationship. Its up to the OP to gain that trust back and show his spouse that the addiction is under control...not for the spouse to back off and hope that he has his act together. Trust is a two way street but when one person in the relationship drives the wrong way on that street its up to that person to turn around and get going in the right way.

I totally agree with this but it must make things easier when it looks like the other persons trust can eventually be gained back. If she stays pissed forever and keeps bringing this up and never gets over it then what chance does the guy have?

Im not defending his behavior because that wasnt very smart on his part, but she needs to act like an adult too for this to work out between them. right?

 

[imac220]

Hope all gets better man.

 

[nurvanna]

with all due respect, i believe marriage counseling should happen as well. there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. marriage couseling is often looked upon as the final step just before divorce and quite possibly as a very negative thing. for some reason, some people think that if marriage counseling brought up it means that the divorce is bound to happen. it really is a useful tool in both helping and benefitting a marriage/relationship to become better.

this is in general and not necessarily about the OP...
in my opinion, if one or both people don't want to save their marriage by doing things to better the situation the marriage was over before the apparent catalyst. and that particular event was possibly their way out or the straw that broke the camel's back.

it's easier to just give up than fight the good fight or fight the tough fight, which i'm saying is keeping the marriage. like someone else mentioned, both recited marriage vows. were they just words to be said or are they something both will stand to live by?

he made a serious mistake. now he needs to help himself so that he can rebuild her trust in him. it's going to take a lot of effort beyond just selling cards and paying off debt.

all the best with this.

 

[mchenrycards]

As bad as he may be addicted or whatever, the wife needs to understand that it wont make things better by dragging this out. I understand being upset for a while is ok and its expected. But she should be able to put this behind them after a while. I would think

So lets just say that as a 17 year old you went out and got drunk and totaled the family car that your dad borrowed you for the night. NOT SAYING THIS HAPPENED BUT PURELY HYPOTHETICAL!!

Using your logic, your parents would have to just let it go and back off because it was a one time thing and hopefully you would never drink and drive again! Is that how it should go?? I would assume probably not!

Trust is everything in a marriage. It does not matter if its financial trust or sexual trust. Once trust is lost it will take a long time to gain it back from the other person in the relationship. Its up to the OP to gain that trust back and show his spouse that the addiction is under control...not for the spouse to back off and hope that he has his act together. Trust is a two way street but when one person in the relationship drives the wrong way on that street its up to that person to turn around and get going in the right way.

I totally agree with this but it must make things easier when it looks like the other persons trust can eventually be gained back. If she stays pissed forever and keeps bringing this up and never gets over it then what chance does the guy have?

Im not defending his behavior because that wasnt very smart on his part, but she needs to act like an adult too for this to work out between them. right?

It definitly can be worked out between them... there is no doubt about that. But the one who will have to do the very hard work will be the OP. HIs spouse owes him nothing at this point and she has to work all that out in her own mind. The op will have to do whatever it takes to get back in her good graces and that will take some time. If he does what he needs to do and keeps his addiction in check, they will look back at this as a lesson learned and can have a great marriage. There is no doubt that things can be worked out if they both keep their head in the right place. At this point it wouldnt hurt to have some couceling as well. Both financial counceling and marriageand maybe even some help with addictions. hopefully they will both get the help that is needed.

 

[Therion]

I think this thread proves that on the list of things a teenager gives good advice about, marriage may be the last item listed.

 

[jpcz]

Good luck with everything man. I can give you my situation which is kind of similar, but not exactly.

When my wife and I married, she knew I had some debt from school (the non-loan kind, i had to pay my way through school...everything). I didnt collect cards then, so the debt wasnt from that...but it was a good amount. Now since we were dating, i didnt find it necessary to divulge the extent to which i was in debt, but she had some information. Fast forward to marriage, she found out everything...from my mouth. She wasnt happy, and was outwardly PO'd about this. It lasted a week or so, where i had to sell my cards that i had collected before school to help pay this down. But we worked together to pay it all off. We are married, my debt and her debt became OUR debt. Now we have none (0, nada, ziltch) and dont even talk about before.

My point is it has to be give and take, as previously mentioned. i didnt get married because i wanted help paying off this debt, i got married because i love her. She loved me and we worked together. If my wife made me sleep on the couch, wouldnt leave me alone about this (mistake) i made, and threatened divorce or whatever, then shes not who i thought she was. It took me all of two days to forgive and forget when she gave our wedding photographer a 1400 check to give us an album (without pictures even, just the album) the day after we got married. Give an take, give and take. You will get through it, hopefully she sees that making you feel this way is not worth it.