Opinions Requested

[Therion]

As many of you know, I conduct interviews with former Astros players on my website. While I have three interviews completed that I am still writing up, including Curt Schilling, I have a request. I have been reading over some of my former interviews and think I could do a better job. So I have rewritten one of my interviews and want to know if you think it is an improvement.

Here is a link to the original: George Culver Interview.

Here is a link to the new version: New George Culver Interview.

If the links don't work for some reason, they are both up under the Interview section at AstrosAtoZ.com.

Thank you for any feedback. Please be brutal!

 

[Brewer Andy]

Marking for later after work


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[viper]

The second one, by a far margin.

 

[MrMet]

Definitely the second one, you are finding your voice more as a writer rather than transcribing a conversation. One thing I would try to concentrate on more would probably be the "flow" of the story. For example, I would talk about the 13 hit shutout first and then work into the nohitter, rather than lead with the nohitter, and then finish with the baseball is crazy quote. Of course. That's just my opinion tho.
Don't know if you published the second story yet, but a few very minor things. Unsightly is spelled wrong and the light brigade link isn't there as it is in the first article. Oh, and the font of the last paragraph doesn't match the rest of the article...like I said, minor things

 

[Therion]

Thanks for the thoughts so far!

MrMet, I have fixed the three things you pointed out. Good catch on "unsightly", my fingers must have gone out of control for a second with the right letters in a very wrong order lol

I added a link, but I had left it off because the website seems to be down. I'm waiting to hear back from Culver about the status of the website. If I don't hear back, I will take out the last line.

Keep the thoughts coming. I'm going to be revamping all of the interviews that I think could use an update.

 

[Therion]

One and only bump

 

[Brewer Andy]

Wow. I remember reading the original version which I greatly enjoyed, largely because of the subject matter (obscurity, moment in time stuff that fascinates). The updated version however does demonstrate the original's lack of style that I didn't notice was missing until reading the update. I am by no means a writer of any sort but the difference and improvement in your abilities in the short time between the versions is commendable. Keep it up!


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