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Night Crew Aug/ trade day

banjar

Well-known member
Mar 22, 2015
1,598
Lafayette, Colorado
Hey D2R who you calling a fine gentleman? I've disembowled men for lesser insults than that.

Night crew's been quiet the past couple days. I for one haven't been pulling my weight. Too busy on tinder. Just signed up and spending too much time texting back and forth. I'm about done with online chatting with "matches". I'm just going to send them my phone number and tell them I'm over texting, call me if you want to talk like real people. Seriously. Gack.
 

JVHaste

Active member
Jun 22, 2015
3,936
Vancouver WA
I saw the headlines... MLB warns players over gas station dick pills

My first thought was "oh boy, this must be something DJ Lemahieu (D2R) did" :lol:
 

banjar

Well-known member
Mar 22, 2015
1,598
Lafayette, Colorado
Haha. Speaking of dicks, here's a great article on ESPN about 10 of the funniest baseball cards ever, followed by a separate article about the Keith Comstock ball-to-the-nuts card. He wrote the article himself and tells the whole story of how it came to be (and almost didn't happen). Brilliant!

https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id...0-most-hilarious-unforgettable-baseball-cards


I saw the headlines... MLB warns players over gas station dick pills

My first thought was "oh boy, this must be something DJ Lemahieu (D2R) did" :lol:
 

JVHaste

Active member
Jun 22, 2015
3,936
Vancouver WA
How all you fine gentlemen doing this evening? Last couple days were hellish...withdrawals blow...pharmacy fu**ed up my prescription. Finally got it filled and I'm back in action! Did I miss any pertinent events involving the Night Crew while I was tossing and turning in bed?

JV struck out his 6th batter of the night and is now just short 60 strikeouts from reaching the 3,000K milestone!!! Everyone give JVHaste(MODE) a round of applause! Leader of the Night Crew...and future MLB HOF'er!
Bonus points for me blockading the locker room after the game from journalists... they have to BEG for dick pics like the rest!! :grouphug:
 
We were just celebrating Acuna becoming a 30/30 player in the Braves thread which had brought up a fond memory of mine with Night Crew gang leader JVHaste...

I hadn't had the pleasure of witnessing a Braves player become a 30/30 member since becoming a baseball fan...



....but with that being said I did get to witness JVHaste flatulate & vomit 30 times within 30 minutes after a Taco Bell & heroin feast (aka Mexican speedball) while we were spotting trains.

It was a cold and dreary night, no different than any other and I was out trainspotting as usual when I looked across the tracks and saw a man clinching onto his bottle of rum, trying to find warmth within in. I decided I'd cross the tracks to introduce myself. He said his name was Jubilee Valentine Hastaga but preferred to go by JV Haste, as the name Jubilee Valentine Hastaga had been given to him by his abusive transgender Gothic adoptive parents who were part of a cult who studied existential nihilism. They also sacrificed babies & children on the side. He was due to be sacrificed next but with the help of a Russian seamstress he escaped before becoming the proverbial sacrificial lamb. I found his story to be relatively interesting and at the same time felt bad for the poor sod, almost as if I could relate with him. To warm his soul I decided to introduce him to a concoction of mine, a well-kept secret family recipe that had been passed down for generations. We called it a Mexican Speedball...3 parts Taco Bell, 2 part sriracha & 1 part heroin.

At first he showed a bit of reluctance, not because there contained heroin but because of the Taco Bell, as it was force fed to him by the Russian seamstress who rescued him from those transgender Gothic adoptive parents of his. Apparently this mystery seamstress worked for the Bratva (Russian Mafia) who manufactured and distributed counterfeit Taco Bell supreme tacos. This led a young Jubilee Valentine Hastaga down a path of crime in the former Soviet Union and eventually climbing the ranks of the brotherhood where he'd eventually wear stars on his shoulders and knees as a Vor (Russian made man) but that is a story for another day.

Back to our story, in order to calm his nerves about the Taco Bell I told him this was authentic 100% pure Taco Bell, not the counterfeit stuff his parents dealt in old Russia. Eventually he gave in and this led to the most amazing scene that I'll never forget. Within a half hour period I witnessed no less than 30 brown outs, that is, shots of explosive diarrhea to those unaware of the terminology. That on it's own is mildly impressive, after all MLB players hit 30 home runs all the time. No, what made it impressive was the green vomit that projected from his mouth within this same period of time. To be precise, I counted 32 incidents of vomit and 34 anal projectiles. He became the youngest man to ever reach this elusive 30-30 club. I knew from that moment on that this Jubilee Valentine (aka JV Haste) was someone I'd like to know, a very possible friend to the end.

For those wondering, it turns out I used too much Taco Bell and not enough heroin in my Mexican speedball but I conveniently left that information out at the time, as it would be considered a PED and JVHaste's name would be left out of the record books.
 

MrMet

Well-known member
Apr 6, 2010
12,760
The Poconos
Cliff notes:

JVHaste's real name is Jubilee Valentine Hastaga

The rest is just fluff
Jubilee from the X-men? And yeah, all the Braves are Mets killers, we can’t beat you guys this year...might cost us the WC

Of course, if it comes down to a race between us and the Cubs I might have to find a black cat to loose on the field...50 years exactly


Sent from my iPhone using Freedom Card Board mobile app
 
Jubilee from the X-men? And yeah, all the Braves are Mets killers, we can’t beat you guys this year...might cost us the WC

Of course, if it comes down to a race between us and the Cubs I might have to find a black cat to loose on the field...50 years exactly


Sent from my iPhone using Freedom Card Board mobile app
You want black cats? I can getcha some black cats. I could getcha a couple dozen mangy black cats that have all been trained to kill. That field will be painted red
 

JVHaste

Active member
Jun 22, 2015
3,936
Vancouver WA
Jubilee in Xmen has that good line at the start . . .

She breaks an arcade machine and the guy asks how much it costs....

Other than that kind of a boring character, but that show was better than any of the current Xmen movies.
 
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JVHaste

Active member
Jun 22, 2015
3,936
Vancouver WA
Well fellas, the "players weekend" is over. . . anyone who didn't comply can be fined, but rest assured they wont have to do such "fun" times until next year. :wink:


MLB needs me as Commish.

signed,
Jubilation Lee Valentine Hastaga.
 
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